The Healing Diaries

There are days in between the nights for each darkness there is for each, hope how long I've asked will the night season take its turn upon me and leave the silence a moments long sigh my eyes could not see passed nor my heart feel the ending..... though they came each time and they remind in disparaging nights even now, as the days will say the night will come there are Sunrises of different colors in different seasons a light which makes my soul rise from the doubting dark a hope of mornings, the beginnings of refreshed grace The Son Rises and then I know.... hopes lasting promise

The fighting is done my breath is labored and I come to know I come to accept this broken picture is crumbling the piece of my heart that agrees the self hate, the wall of pride I have built to keep me safe I agree.... and I am not going to fight You anymore, there's nothing in me anymore...

Yes I think this is how it is to be human... nothing is as it seems I am stripped of the hypocrisy from Your gaze and you see through the failures, the mistakes the insecurity what I am worth.... I know you can see this flesh and blood nothing more than vulnerable perishable skin nothing here could ever withstand the blows of life the voices that keep me hating myself so I am just here needing Your warm embrace

My Psalm David screamed his pain He wrote songs of heartache and of joy He pleaded for the silence to be broken and fell to his knees to get through to bear the noise of blame, accusations of the mistakes he made... He reached to Heaven and found a Sunrise midst the darkness He looked to God..... My inhale trembles as I feel the tears coming.... waves of them toss my soul about where defeat seems to be the only refuge there are only aches and pains left crouching down I can no longer stand I'm holding the edge of that thread I am about to break and I think that's where I need to be if that is how I could surrender if that is how I can lean on You if that is how I learn to trust in you let me break let me break before You and in Your presence I will fall on the ground and ask You to do whatever it takes to save me from myself calm the fears and just let You hold me now