The Healing Diaries

If I could spread the length of this thought to the height of heaven I would see the vast questions Reverberating Through days I could not live The answers swirl disarray In the wonder of uncertainty Which truth lies in the spaces Where You are.

The repeated day One of war and labored breath And I am not the words I Say Words that spring themselves Out of decay and impulse They say too much And the rest of me Sinks in the rendering of the end; My brain musters memories Of questionable victories And they were true I could claim But this day Of no sign of smiles and patience from the stands  I must ponder reasons The why and purpose

How this will settle and find sense I leave with You For Your word rushes in To rake me, break me up To build me... There is nothing left to figure Nothing to do but to Accept You entirely and Abandon myself to die a death that seeks not to live again For Your love will keep me there For Your love compels me to Follow Let me follow Let me die

The clock began a promising venture With hopes of smooth steps to fill Though there arose obscure events Tugging at my desire to unleash fleshy responses I failed to contain and withhold And forgot my stance as one dead and buried Though i decided to rise again Collecting guilt and shame Only to be at my bed with regret Asking for a clearing away Pleading to be someone who isnt who She was today

My mind asks of words To give to you as a prayer you will accept How i am still in the realm of sluggish clouds Awaken me to live Awaken my heart to praise And rejoice Even when feelings a plague of doubts Come to deceive You are still the same And i will thank you for Being my God Who loves me even in this way

The same time, a new day... And i begin like everyday; I wonder and fret over the affairs That have not yet lived. But it is me who sits here, Who lives and needs Who looks up toward heaven And longs for the heart of God. Yesterday has been The ten minutes upon waking has been So now it begins again and i am Aware of my frailty I am aware of who i am A creation of my Creator A daughter of my Father A servant of my King A sinner before her Savior